Saturday, November 19, 2011

no pity party here.

last weekend i celebrated my friend joes 21st birthday in style. being the last one out of our group to turn 21 we all decided it would be fun to go all out. so, we got a party bus. and let me tell you. it was SO much fun! about twenty of us piled in the fancy party bus complete with an ice filled bar, complimentary champagne, and a booming stereo. we laughed, we joked, and had an amazing time. all in all it was probably one of the most fun nights i have had in my whole life. i feel blessed to have friends to spend quality time with and the opportunities to do an awesome thing like we did.

and in truth. i had a blast. which was something that i wasn't sure i was going to have. see, i was one out of the only five girls on the bus and the rest were guys. a few of which i kinda have crushes on. and i was worried that i would be worried when i was on the bus. the other girls i hang out with are gorgeous, thin, and the guys drool all over them. i got really anxious, started fussing, and got a little moody to be honest. but the weird thing was once i was on the bus all of my insecurities were gone.

sure i had a little liquid courage to keep me motivated but the WHOLE NIGHT i didn't once think a negative thought about myself. i wasn't aware until the next day that i was the biggest girl on the bus and that my bangs got sweaty and fell out of my bobby pin. i didn't stress out that my makeup was virtually smudged across my whole face and that my tight curls lost shape and zig zagged in every which way. i didn't think about any of that. in all honesty i wasn't really thinking about what i looked like at all. and when i went to the bathroom i didn't allow myself to look in the mirror. and for the first time in years i wore a skirt without dark tights or leggings to cover my legs up. i rocked a tank top and skirt and owned it like it was the easiest thing in the world even though it was absolutely terrifying.

a few days later when i saw pictures from the evening i had a mini heart attack when i saw how awful, gross, and ugly i really looked but for some reason it didn't linger and bother me for days after like it normally would have. i was so carefree that night that no picture with 23847 double chins could take that away from me.
because in that moment. in that entire evening i was me. i was confident. i was HAPPY. and even though writing this now it feels artificial it wasn't that night. i was genuinely happy with myself. and i know that  its a step in the right direction. even if its a little baby step.

thats the birthday boy himself mister joe :)

my partner in crime and me on the bus. i wouldnt have made it that night without her.

me and tim. probably one of the nicest guys i know :)

some of the group <3

1 comment:

  1. you, dear, are so lovely. the joy in your eyes is the most beautiful of all. i love how you described how freely pretty you felt when you just let go of your insecurities and lived...i think that's when others can see our light the best of all, when we are just us. your spirit radiates:)