Tuesday, September 27, 2011

dear _____,

i feel your eyes on me
burning right through my walls
tearing apart my covered up self
when will this be good enough?
when will all that i am satisfy you?
because you can never be satisfied
you cannot be quenched
your thirst for perfection is haunting
with every lie i tell myself
i am fueling your power of deception
that what you show is how i am suppose to be
no i will not be taken prisoner to your trickery anymore
perfection cannot be reached
and i know i will never be one of those girls
the "perfect ones"
flawlessness from head to toe
the envy of every girls eye
the lust of every mans touch
i can batter and bruise myself
scar and tear myself apart til there is nothing left
and despite doing all these things
i will never reach this vision
this vision of perfection
because even if i torture myself into this nothingness
day after day
i will still be me on the inside
which to you will never be enough

i have one shining light in the darkness of this despair
and though i might not be perfect on the outside like society shows us we "should be"
i have Something that is perfect inside of me
Something singing life into my soul
unlike you who scream death into my self worth
i have Something whispering hope into my dreams
faith into my veins
and love for myself into my heart
i have the ultimate beauty inside of me
that isn't made up of makeup plastered faces and flawless bodies
its made up of overflowing love and beauty
something that cannot be reached by starvation and self abuse
but by self sacrifice and abandonment of self hatred
and though i still look at myself
i take comfort in knowing that i was made in the image of perfection
and that the person i am wasn't a mistake
i was carefully pieced together
i am beautifully and wonderfully made
and i am starting to see that its okay to be me
imperfect in many ways
and damaged
but finally starting to love the person i was meant to be
even though she'll never be perfect

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